“Shamari, the SAAS has denied your appeal”
Once I heard those words spoken to me, it already solidified what I felt God was preparing me for during the month of December. See, after I cried and repented to God and really start running back to Him, I felt that He was preparing me spiritually by giving me spiritual affirmations and friends that prayed for me. It was during this time where I had to ask myself, “if God doesn’t allow me to return to school next semester, will I still worship Him? Is He still good to me?” And during that month of Christmas break before returning back to school, He solidified in me that my identity rested in Him and not my academic career, or the lack thereof.
Fast forward after hearing these words and letting them sink in, i made up in my mind that I would still praise God with all of me. In school, I wasn’t able to fully serve at my home church, I missed out on birthdays, and I wasn’t able to have a lot of options when it came to healthy eating. I began to look at the positives. All these things I prayed to God for while at school, I had now.
You might ask, how did your family respond? They were very upset. I had a lot of them ask me questions such as, “So, what’s your plan now?”, i had to sit and deal with disappointed looks, and even questioning my relationship wit God. I knew that they would not understand my walk with God, nor be able to process the fact that God called me to something unconventional..
A GOOD OPPORTUNITY IS NOT A GOD OPPORTUNITY.
There were many times where I cried out to God in confusion and anger: “Abba, did You really call me to do this or did I just attach Your name to my own desire? What’s next? God am I really hearing Your voice? What is Your will for my life?” Over and over again, He calmed my soul by whispering to me that none of that truly mattered at the end of the day. I had to stand on the fact that though I did not know what the next day would bring, God was calling me to trust Him.
It was during this moment that God revealed to me, by way of a close family member, that everything I battled while at school was training ground for where He’s taking me next.
It was during this moment that the physical product of this blog was developed, My hunger for God increased, and I truly learned what it meant to cling to God’s word and not the words of my family members. I had to make up in my mind that I would be like Peter, and follow Jesus even in the uncomfortableness (Matthew 14:28-33 permalink).
Now I spend my days serving the Lord in my home church, All Nations Worship Assembly, as a greeter and part of the worship team; I write for this blog and poems that God speaks to me about; and I am working at my new job. God continues to build my patience and trust in Him every day.
If you would like to share your testimony of how God called you to do something unconventional, or have any questions on how I walk by faith everyday, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org 🙂